Once More With Feeling: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer Reboot
High School Jaime had but three certainties in her life:
1. There is no magical instrument that can tame frizzy, humidity-plagued hair (There is. It's called a flat iron. You can get them for $20 at Target.)
2. The band Everclear would stand the test of time (Oh, honey. No.)
3. Buffy the Vampire Slayer would stand the test of time (one outta three ain't bad)
With the exception of Game of Thrones Sundays, my life doesn't revolve around appointment television anymore but when I was a teenager - nothing could have dragged me away from Sunnydale on Tuesday night.
There is a Buffy reboot/revitalization/sequel in the works.
I'm not a fan of reboots. They're usually lazy - "Hey guys! Let's remake XYZ but this time, we'll put women/people of color/LBGTQ+ folks in it!"
Representation matters but guys, so does good storytelling.
Instead of rehashing a tale written by some white dude a million years ago, maybe we amplify the voices of marginalized communities and offer up some fresh stories and perspectives.
Viewed from a modern lens, the original Buffy The Vampire Slayer TV show is problematic to say the least.
Sidebar: Your fave is totally problematic. Accept it, come to terms with it, embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet and move on.
The cast was basically a mayonnaise sandwich painted greige, sex was quite literally demonized and the less said about pretty much all the men on the show (Spike is a rapist), the better.
But Buffy the Vampire Slayer still holds a special place in my heart. She was my first real introduction to third-wave feminism (the other being my best friend Gabby who got me into Tori Amos. Oh my God, I was 90s as fuck and it was so awesome).
And I am 100% down for a new Buffy-inspired project providing they do it right.
Based on preliminary reports, I think they will.
I still have a wishlist of things I'd like to see in the new version.
- More women of color. In front of the camera and behind it (already off to a great start with Monica Owusu-Breen at the helm)
- A deeper dive into global mythology. Buffy and Angel did an excellent job of world building and it would be great to see this modern incarnation of the show tackle mythology from other cultures. Have you guys ever read Hindu mythology? There's a surprising amount of cannibalism for a bunch of vegetarians.
- Less Xander/No Xander.
His Nice Guy bullschtick charmed me when I was fifteen but now that I'm 35 - he can proceed to get the fuck outta here. And while we're on that, no fucking Nice Guys.
You know what? No. I've changed my mind.
Let's make the Nice Guy a season-long Big Bad. I realize that misogyny as a Big Bad was covered with both Warren and Father Caleb, but let's update it a little for a new generation covering topics like coerced consent, gaslighting and the entitled notion of exchanging "nice tokens" for sexual gratification.
Make it a season-long arc and at the end, one of two things happens - either teenage boys evolve and start treating women like human beings or they're devoured by Gnarl Demons. Either one works for me.
Yeah. That's what they look like. Have fun sleeping tonight!
- Cameos by some of the original cast. Sarah Michelle Gellar is a perfect and wondrous being of light and magic and needs to be part of this show.
- Ted Cruz as a demon. Oh, what? Like a show about vampires can't have some basis in reality?
I'm actually really excited about this and I can't wait to see where this project goes.
Yes, it’s terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after - Rupert Giles
And God knows we could all use a little happily ever after right now.