Who I Used To Be Versus Who I Am Now
When Google Reader was still a thing, I was a platinum user.
Seriously. I had a little iron-on patch and everything.
It's the closest I've come to being a Girl Scout....unless we're counting the amount of Samoas I can mindlessly eat while watching Parks & Rec reruns.
When Google Reader died, I made the switch over to Feedly and I've been bookmarking content ever since. Tucking it away to read later.
Turns out, if you do this for eight years - you end up with a lot of bookmarks. Like, a LOT of bookmarks. Like, I think there's over a thousand in there.
I recently (and totally fucking inadvertently) went Inbox Zero in my Gmail, found that I actually really liked it and decided it was time to clear out the bookmarked blog posts as well.
So, I've been clicking through, little by little. Reading articles, pinning the stuff I want to keep on Pinterest and deleting away.
It's interesting to see how much I've evolved over the past eight years (or 2000 odd days).
I am definitely not the same person I was in my 20s.
You're not supposed to be. You're supposed to grow and change and get closer to the person you want to be and I definitely feel as though I have and I am.
In my twenties, I:
- Saved SO much stuff about Los Angeles. Which makes sense because between the ages of 15 and 30, that's pretty much the only thing I wanted in my life. To make like Tupac and live and die in L.A.
I saved recommendations on which thrift stores to visit and restaurants that I had to eat in, hundreds of Apartment Therapy homes designed in that sunny California style - all Craftsman style bungalows, gleaming wood floors and 1940s homes in Pasadena with little orange trees in the backyard.
- Saved a lot of poetry. Mostly stuff by Neruda and Bukowski. I was much more of a romantic back then.
- Saved lots of black bean recipes...which strikes me as odd because I don't love black beans. I mean, I will fuck up some black bean dip at Amigos but other than that? Meh. They're fine.
- Saved so many terrible pasta recipes. I mean, did I really need instructions to boil pasta and toss it with tomatoes, olive oil and basil? Apparently, I did.
- Saved lots of chickpea recipes which is super weird because unless they're in falafel, I don't like chickpeas.
According to my Pinterest, I am:
Planning a trip to Utah, all about having a boho-influenced home, making a lot of soup, eating a lot of cauliflower and obsessed with Nisse gnomes, journaling, embroidered Mexican dresses and, I don't know...being a witch?
I mean, it's not wrong.
Now, I have no desire to live in Los Angeles. Hell, I have no desire to live anywhere except West Palm Beach. I love my city and I love growing with her.
My taste in home decor has remained the same. I want a Spanish style home with a boho influence. Lots of texture and color. A place filled with art where you can cuddle dogs, drink gin cocktails and eat spicy food. We're working our way towards that.
I'm not as romantic as I used to be.
No. Wait. That's not true.
I'm a big believer in and advocate for love. I just happen to be more of a realist/less of a fucking idiot now.
(See? There goes that merit badge)
An ex once told me that he would die for me.
1. This was, and remains as ever, super hyperbolic bullshit.
2. My immediate reaction upon hearing this was thinking, "I don't want someone who would die for me. I want someone that will live with me."
Now, love is more than saying the right words.
Love is kindness. It's consistency and care. It's knocking off the shit and using your words. It's encouragement and apologizing when you should. It's sincerity and generosity and putting in the goddamn effort because the other person is worth it. Because your life together is worth it.
Most importantly - my culinary skills have improved exponentially.
Indian food is regularly on the menu at Casa Bear and Bones, I make a truly excellent macaroni and cheese, my vegetable soup tastes almost exactly like the ones I had in Ireland and I'm even growing my own herbs and peppers. That, my friends, is some impressive shit.
I like the person I am now and I like the person I'm striving to be. I mean, I could probably stop referring to Donald Trump Jr. as 'Fredo', lusting after Harry Styles and asking if failed businessman and accused sexual harasser Donald Trump ate crack for breakfast every time he tweets, but hey - work in progress, right?
Now, if you'll excuse me - I have to go an earn a merit badge.