Keep Me Company: Chipotle Gouda Macaroni & Cheese

I show my love through a variety of ways:

Physical Affection - If you’re not looking your dog directly in his eyes with an expression of concentrated adoration while petting him and cooing, “Baby…” - what are you even doing with your life?

Words of Affirmation - I firmly believe that people need to hear the good things about themselves often. It’s brutal out there and this matters. So, I’m your campaign manager/cheerleader and am always down to tell you how amazing you are and how much you mean to me and the world at large.

But if I really love you?

I’ll cook for you.

This is my best friend Dana. We haven’t lived in the same city since 2007 and this past year, she moved to Michigan.

We’ve been there for each other through marriage, divorce, childbirth and parenthood. There is more meaning in a one-word text from her than there is in a literal book from anyone else. She’s my person.

Yesterday, she asked for my recipe for Chipotle Gouda Mac and Cheese and it made me miss the fuck out of her.

She shouldn’t need my recipe. She should be hanging out in my kitchen with me, drinking wine and keeping me company while I cook.

So, a new series was born.

Hi! I’m your internet best friend.

I wish we could hang out in the kitchen and you could drink wine and keep me company while I cook.

But since we can’t - here’s the recipe.

Ingredients

1 box Cavatappi Pasta. Yes, it has to be Cavatappi. Those are the GOAT noodles. Macaroni is a trash noodle.
1 Yellow Onion (diced)
4 Garlic Cloves (finely chopped)
1 Red Bell Pepper (diced)
1/2 Red Onion (diced)
1-2 Jalapenos (diced) depending on taste and heat tolerance
6 tablespoons Butter 
2 tablespoons Flour
3/4 cup Milk
8oz Boar's Head Chipotle Gouda (grated)
8oz Fontina (grated)
2 tablespoons Sriracha
1/2 cup Panko Breadcrumbs
Salt to taste
Black pepper to taste
Onion powder to taste
Garlic powder to taste
Cayenne to taste
Smoked paprika to taste

Directions

Boil pasta in salted water until al dente. Drain. Set aside.

In a heavy-bottomed saucepan and on medium heat, melt two tablespoons of butter and sauté yellow onion until translucent. This takes longer than you think, so pour a glass of wine and put on an episode of SVU. Stir frequently and in like, ten minutes - you should be good. 

Add the garlic and stir.

Dude, how good does your kitchen smell right now?

Cook for about three or four minutes and add chopped red bell pepper, half a red onion and one diced jalapeño.

Season liberally with salt, pepper, onion powder, garlic powder, cayenne and smoked paprika. In this context, liberally means like a brown person would. People didn’t die in the spice trade for you to underseason your food.

Sauté for about 15 minutes, stirring every time you wanna call Stabler "Daddy."

So, frequently. 

Yeah, we’ve basically forgotten about the mac and cheese at this point, huh? I’ll give you a minute and we’ll get back to it.

Add two tablespoons of butter to the aromatics and stir until melted.

Add the flour and stir until it no longer looks like you accidentally dumped cocaine in the pot. This will take like, two minutes.

Add a 1/4 cup of milk and stir. 

Add 8oz of grated chipotle gouda and 8oz of grated fontina a handful at a time while continually stirring. Yeah, you have to grate it yourself which is kind of a pain in the ass because of how soft it is, but trust me - it’s worth it.

Does it look thicker than a bowl of oatmeal? Add more milk.

Yo, it's been a minute. Have a sip of wine. What's Stabler doing? Kicking some skeg's ass? Nice. What up, Daddy?

Cheese all gone? Milk gone? The thing in the pot looks like cheese sauce? Cool. 

Taste it. Need more heat? Probably. Throw some more cayenne in that sucker. 

Add your cooked pasta, set the stove to the lowest heat setting and stir until the pasta and the sauce are all intertwined like Oscar Isaac and Jessica Chastain.

Hey. Check your texts because I’ve got some opinions about this gif that should not be published on the internet.

Grease a baking dish and pour the macaroni and cheese into it.

In a separate bowl, add Sriracha to two tablespoons of melted butter. 

Mix with 1/2 cup of panko breadcrumbs.

Top the mac and cheese with Sriracha breadcrumbs and bake uncovered for 15 minutes at 350°, broiling for the last two minutes.

Garnish with fresh jalapeño and serve in a big ass bowl with a glass of white wine. 

Take a picture and send it to your best friend. 

Love you, miss you, mean it. Cheers!