Nashville Hot Cauliflower

“Please feed me.”

John and I stumbled out of the sliding glass doors at the Emergency Room and the only thing on my mind other than sheer relief was food.

Earlier this February, I ended up in the ER with subchorionic bleeding. Luckily, I’m fine and the baby’s fine but as far as Saturdays go?

That one sucked.

All I wanted - the only thing that could make this hellish day a little better - was security in the knowledge that soon, I would be eating spicy cauliflower wings with avocado ranch.

A lifelong vegetarian, I didn’t grow up eating wings and when I discovered there was a plant-based alternative to this spicy, crunchy food that you eat while dipping in ranch and yelling at the TV? I was hooked.

Luckily, there is a Duffy’s exactly 0.8 miles from the hospital and I could make this dream a reality.

Or, so I thought.

It turns out that the cauliflower wings were a specialty item no longer on the menu.

I realize that there was more important things in life to concern yourself with, but I was a bundle of raw nerves, an IV bruise was blooming on my left arm, my eyes ached from crying and I hadn’t eaten since about 9:00am that morning.

So, I started to weep.

In the middle of a sports bar.

On MMA Night.

Guys. I really wanted these wings.

I settled on a salad or some bullshit that I didn’t even taste and remained annoyed until this weekend when I made my own.

They were goddamn glorious.

I’ve been to Nashville a couple of times now (Hi Brendan and Kathleen!) and on our last trip, we hit up Pepperfire for a Nashville speciality - hot chicken.

Well, everyone else ate hot chicken. I housed fried okra and Dr. Pepper like it was my job.

I did manage to snag a bite of John’s breading and my mind and tastebuds were blown.

Holy shit, this is so tasty. What the hell is wrong with this country that everyone isn’t eating this? Also, my scalp is tingling? Fuck. This is spicy. I love it.

I don’t know who invented Nashville Hot Chicken but please know that I love you and there will always be room for you in my home.

I used a recipe from Vegan Richa and it was perfect.

No.

It was better than perfect. It was exactly what I wanted and what I was hoping it would be.

Mom had given me this nuclear hot chili powder which is equal parts capsaicin and wreaking vengeance against colonizers so I used that.

Best decision I’ve ever made….and I saw OutKast at Austin City Limits.

I took a bite, paused for a moment, took another bite and basically turned into Drogon melting the Iron Throne

John grabbed one, coughed every so slightly, deemed me insane and went back to his mango-habanero wings.

My chili powder is hotter than our homegrown habanero peppers and I am obnoxiously proud of this.

Only thing that would have made this better would be deep-frying the cauliflower. Because deep-frying makes everything better.

I highly recommend you make this sauce. Slather it on chicken wings, cauliflower, potatoes, paneer or toss it in pasta with delusional amounts of parmesan cheese.

It will make your scalp tingle, make you feel like you can breathe fire and make you feel alive…and after dealing with the COVID-19 pandemic for all these weeks - it’s kinda exactly what we need.

Also, shout out to my kid. Everyone keeps warning me not to eat spicy food because I’ll get wicked heartburn, but so far? Nothing!

Like his mama and his daddy, Will likes spicy food and I cannot wait to take our son to Nashville so we can all feast together.